Jervis McEntee Diaries: December 12, 1884

Friday, Dec 12, 1884 It was raining and snowing when I went over to breakfast and has rained steadily all day. I have worked on my picture all day and improved it and feel hopeful that I will make a good picture of it. In my seclusion here I think many times a day of dear Gertrude and always with a pang of sorrow too deep [for] utterance. This evening I was arranging one of the little bureau drawers and I came upon many little trifles she put there and which I religiously treasure. Nothing that she ever touched can I bear to destroy. It is enough to make a treasure of it that she once looked at it and held it in her hand. O! I wonder if I shall be with her once more when I am done with the things of this life. I hope and believe I shall and I love to believe that she is still conscious of my undying love for her. Many times a day I involuntarily speak her name and bless her with all the love of my soul. I would think after so many years I would not think of her so much but I miss her every day of my life and am conscious how entirely my life is changed without her. It is well that she is spared the sadness of these later years. She died before she had had any experience of serious trouble or anxiety and I love to remember her in the sunshine of her intense enjoyment of life. I have been thinking too of Gussie. Perhaps even now Joe may be on his way to take back her remains to Hillsboro. How can he bear to do it, so [?] direct opposition to her wishes and so shocking to the feelings of all of us.

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