Jervis McEntee Diaries: August 31, 1884

Sunday, Aug 31, 1884 It has been a beautiful day the wind having changed to N. W. Mary Gifford, Joe Tomkins and I took a walk this afternoon out to the view and home through the cemetery stopping at the resting place of our beloved dead. This evening we all went over to Girards and Mary told us my father had been over there and seemed to feel very badly that we had spoke of renting the house. I think he feels lonely at the idea of Marys going back to N. Y. which she expects to do next Friday. My poor father. I feel the greatest pity for him. His life must be pretty sad now with not much to entertain him and his deafness and poor sight shutting him out from much that might interest him. Mary Gifford and I were talking today of the sadness of life and she said she no longer believed in happiness and that it was not intended we should be happy. It almost seems so. I know I try to think what will be best for us as a family but it seems almost impossible to harmonize all interests. My father seems to think sometimes it is a cruel thing to disturb him since he feels he has not long to live, and so it would be if we could avoid it. I wish we could go on here just as we have, but I must go to N. Y. and my father and Sara alone here is a sad thing for me to contemplate. I feel most unhappy at our condition and wish I had the wisdom to know what to decide upon. Sometimes it seems as though it would be best just quietly to await events and act without any plans for the future. Joe seems entirely unsettled and adds to my anxieties by his seeming lack of any plan for himself. I do not know what he intends to do and I doubt if he does. He speaks of going away tomorrow but does not seem decided. I feel sorry for him and told him today I should think he would feel better to remain at home with Gertrude but he seems to dread being there and so I cannot tell what he wants to do, nor do I believe can he. I only know that with all my planning for the welfare of our family I do not seem to be able to come to any conclusion and when I do there are objections from my father which I cannot disregard. I am glad when night comes and I can forget in blessed sleep the troubles which seem to beset our daily lives. So ends the last day of summer with the problem of happiness and serenity of life unsolved.

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