Thursday, Apr 22, 1880 This has been a most sad day to me. I have felt myself so alone and have thought so much of dear Gertrude. Sometimes it seems to me I cannot stay here but must go up home where I can be with Sara and my own people. I have tried to paint but my work does not interest me. I wrote to Alice and after my lunch I went down to the foot of Charlton St. to bid good bye to Charlie Colman who sails for Europe today. I did not stay long but returned and filled out the afternoon reading in Miss Mulocks "A Noble Life" which I read many years ago and which seems to accord with my present unhappy state. In the evening I went with our people and Mrs. Taylor and Lily to Fred Stedmans reception. It was hard work to drive myself out but I knew I ought to go. When I returned to my room I found a letter from Sara enclosing the one I wrote to Barnum about the Vanderlyn panorama with a most curt and vulgar reply scratched at the foot of my polite letter. Nothing could more adequately stamp the whole character of the man and I shall keep it as a literary curiosity.