Jervis McEntee Diaries

Sunday October 14, 1888

Jervis McEntee Diary Entry, October 14, 1888, from the Jervis McEntee papers, 1850-1905, in the Archives of American Art, Smithsonian Institution

Sunday, Oct 14, 1888 Again the anniversary of my dear Gertrudes death has come bringing with it all the sharpness of the sorrow of that sad day ten years ago when I stood at her bed side and saw her turn her eyes away from me with all the things of earth. How vividly that agonizing moment remains in my mind. I can never think of those last moments without tears and an overwhelming sense of sorrow and desolation. I cannot bear to think of it and yet it was the very first thought I had on awaking this rainy, gloomy morning. Dear Gertrude! I miss her more and more as I grow older and need more her love and tenderness. I try to speak to these dumb pages the aching sense of her absence, but in vain, whose mystery, no matter what I do or where I turn I can never fathom. Often I find myself thinking how many things I will have to tell her when we meet, but then will we ever meet. I hope so from the innermost depths of my heart, and still we can not know. Sara last spring when she was in N. Y. went to a spiritual medium with Julia Dillon who told her some remarkable things. She went for mere curiosity and to gratify Julia. She said her mother was present and very gratified that Sara wore her ring. That her grandmother was there and that "Margaret" was written on her forehead. That Maurice said "I am all right now. It was mostly physical with me" and that Gertrude did not want to go to the spirit [world?] for she was very happy on earth. She was happy now but never would be perfectly so until until [sic] the one she loved most dearly was with her again. How strange this all seems. This person could not have known the name of one of these nor their connection with Sara--and yet how can it help us at all than as evidence, if genuine that they still live and live in our lives. If we could be assured of this beyond all doubt one could bear more easily lifes sorrows and losses. Dear Gertrude--Let me consecrate this day and all my life to your blessed memory.

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