Monday, Sept 13, 1886 The wind was from N. W. this morning and all day an Autumnal coolness has prevailed. My first thought on awakening was of dear Gertrude and I have been thinking of her all day and how lonely my life is becoming. What will it be when Lucy and Andrews go away. The sense of loneliness has been most oppressive all day. I have no desire to stir from this spot and dread to meet any one. Where will it all end and am I to be lost in this wretchedness. I went over to my studio and tried to design a picture. I looked over all my studies which often stimulates my imagination, but they only suggested sad memories of places where I had been with Gertrude and Gifford and the friends who are gone. Then I came back to the house but it was lonely here and I did not know what to do with myself. Mrs. Osterhondt drove up with invitations to a party in Kingston in a fortnight but the idea of a party is most distasteful and I almost wonder that any one can have the heart to give one. Kurtz sent me a catalogue of the Louisville Exhibition but my Detroit Autumn picture was not in it. I hope I will hear from him this week and learn something about it. The Holland Society comes here tomorrow the guests of Sam Coykendall. They go to the Kaaterskill House to dine and pass the night, but I am so much out of all these things as though I did not exist.
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