Monday October 18, 1886
Jervis McEntee Diary Entry, October 18, 1886, from the Jervis McEntee papers, 1850-1905, in the Archives of American Art, Smithsonian Institution
Monday, Oct 18, 1886 Grey and threatening weather. Tom is picking the apples but does not get on very fast. There will be only a small crop, less than I supposed as many are defective. I went over to my studio and started a fire and finally drew in and commenced a picture from a study of a Sycamore I made at Arkville. But I do not consider my pictures sufficiently and go at them with too little deliberation. Still I cant do much until I see something started on the canvas. I worked there all day but I am not very well satisfied with what I did. My mind is not quiet. I worry too much and make myself disagreeable to myself and every one else. Mrs. Cantine came to my studio to see my pictures and invited me with Sara to dine with them next Friday evening with Mr & Mrs. Coykendall, her brother Mrs. Sheffield and his wife, Mr & Mrs. Osterhondt and some one else. I accepted but feel like any thing other than dinner parties. Lucy who was to let me have the money to pay the school tax finds it difficult to spare it. I wish I could get on without it. She thinks I am too anxious and troubled and so I am. I presume I tire her with my worries and she thinks me selfish. I suppose I am in some things to my great shame and regret, but after all I think I have made some effort in unselfish directions. What she said grieved me, but I expect I deserved it. I am very unhappy.
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