Wednesday, Aug 4, 1886 I had a rather sad letter from Mary Gifford last night in which she spoke of being despondent and half discouraged. I wrote her a letter before I went to bed, in which I tried at least to show my sympathy with her. As for me I am as unhappy as I can well be. I seem only to be a servant spending my time in menial pursuits and occupations. This morning at 5 oclock I was awake and looked out of my window. There was a beautiful effect of sky with a simple landscape. I thought I would go over to my studio and try a sketch of it, but there was an old wagon to mend and a thousand distracting things to attend to, so that when I did go I was in no mood to paint and as a consequence made a miserable failure. After dinner my father, Mary and I drove to Kingston crossing the bridge and going out on the road near the creek to near the turnpike gate on the Sawkill road. The landscape was fine and rich but it seemed to me I would never be able to paint it again so disturbed and unhappy do I feel. My father does not care to ride far now and soon tires. He does not show much interest in any thing but I think he is really disturbed by so large a family. This has been another cool charming day, just the weather for the Yellowstone trip I was obliged to decline. Saml. J. Tilden died this morning at his country place of Greystone near Yonkers. He was a man I never could have the least admiration for, and seemed to me the embodiment of selfishness and without human sympathies.
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