Sunday, Feb 20, 1881 A beautiful bright day. I wrote to Alice and a short letter to Weir telling him I would go home with him on Thursday. Read "Silas Warner" and have only a few days ago finished "The Mill on the Floss["]. I wish I had the gift of constructing interesting plots. It must be a great satisfaction to write. I am troubled that I dont find this supreme satisfaction in my painting I once did. How constantly I think of dear Gertrude at home and seem to live in a different world. I do not get over the unutterable longing to have some sort of communication with her. Janette sent me a paper with Epes Sargents communication through a medium of his sensations the first day after death, or on entering the immortal life. I wonder if there is any satisfaction to mortals in all this. It would be a great relief, I confess to our longing, asking hearts if we could get hold of something in which we could put faith regarding the other life, and many who believe in these spiritual communications do seem to feel a certain sense of repose and content.
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