Friday, Feb 13, 1880 A dark, rainy and most depressing morning. Too dark to work and so all my thoughts got back to the past. I have been reading some of Mrs. Sawyers and [?] letters to me and to Gertrude from College Hill and Star Landing. O what agonizing memories they bring me when dear Gertrude was with me. I was bowed to the very earth today by the remembrances of my sorrow and wish I had gone home today instead of tomorrow. These gloomy days are almost more than I can bear. Wrote to Alice. My letter was full of sadness but it was a relief to write to her and I begged her to think I was not always so. The weather lightened up a little towards noon and I did get to work. Called to see Wood and he came down to my room to see my pictures. Edwina Booth and her cousin Marie came to see me by appointment with Julia Vaux and soon after she and Lily Taylor came. Edwina brought her music and she and Marie played on my piano, the first time it has been opened since Alice played on it a year ago on her way back to Boston. I suppose my piano will go away soon as I wrote a week ago to Mr. Chickering I would accept his offer for it and so another link will be broken. Now that it is going I cant help regretting it although I know it is best. Spent the evening at Marys. Calvert went to bed tired. They are all very anxious. The boys & Julia went to a leap year party and I came to my room early. Walter Palmer was having a party in his room. I thought I heard Isabel Palmers voice singing as I came in and the halls are filled with the happy voices of young people beginning the life Gertrude and I began more than twenty years ago here. It made me feel that my youth is gone and oh how much more is gone that blessed those years. I am going home tomorrow. What would I do if I had no home to go to.
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