Jervis McEntee Diaries

Wednesday August 11, 1880

Jervis McEntee Diary Entry, August 11, 1880, from the Jervis McEntee papers, 1850-1905, in the Archives of American Art, Smithsonian Institution

Wednesday, Aug 11, 1880 Maggie came back yesterday and went away again today to Connecticut. Ma and Mrs. Davis went on a pic nic by invitation of Mrs. Cornell out over the rail road as far as Deans Corners. I have painted most of the day in my studio and I hope advanced my picture. But I do not work with any spirit. A feeling of depression weighs me down and I am full of forebodings for the future. Maurice is a great trouble to me. I can not bear to be with him. His whole life is so utterly antagonistic to my own. He is a black shadow upon our house hold. I have been reading some of Stoddards and Mrs Stoddards letters to us in 1862 shortly after we became acquainted. How hopeful we all were then and how our lives have changed since. I wish I could be content in the present. It is nice to try to be, but there are so many possibilities in the future that I [?] keep from thinking of it. If I had cheerful companionship I am sure I would be spared much of this but I have to confess that the days go wearily by and this is a sad confession. Since dear Gertrude died all things are changed and they will never be the same again to me.

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