Saturday, May 7, 1887 Awoke with an overwhelming sense of depression, feeling that all my expenses are going on and nothing is coming in. I am distracted and do not know what to do. Unless I can sell some of our property and tide myself along until I can have a sale of my pictures I feel my career must end in disaster. It seems to me I never had so utterly a discouraging outlook. Calvert is in great anxiety awaiting the appointment of new Park Commissioners, but I feel quite sure whoever is appointed it will do him no good. We work and struggle to gain reputation and an honorable place in the world and after all find ourselves deserted in our later life. Calvert came over and looked at all my pictures and studies which I propose to put in my sale next spring. He was quite surprised at the variety of effect and felt sure I would have a successful sale. Attended the monthly meeting of the Century. The alterations and additions to the club were considered and referred by a nearly two thirds vote to the Board of Management with power to spend $25,000 but it is considered that it will still have to be voted upon again and ratified at the next meeting. I saw Eastman at a distance and he saw me but we kept away from each ether. He had two fine portraits, one of Sloane who married one of Vanderbilts daughters and one of a boy. I sent "Autumn Fields." There was quite an interesting collection including some sketches in Mexico by Hopkinson Smith. I had a talk with T. B. Clarke about my proposed sale next spring and he assured me I would do well and was most encouraging. I asked him if he would care to come and look at some of the things I proposed to put in my sale and he said he would be very glad to and we settled upon Thursday forenoon.