Thursday, Apr 14, 1887 Have worked on the picture originally painted for Mrs. Warren all day and improved it, but I have been most anxious and unhappy. To grow my anxiety I received a letter from Selstedt in answer to one I wrote him on Tuesday telling me the treasurer of the fund from which I am to be paid for my picture is in Europe but that he has been written to and that I will probably be paid before the end of the month. There are several pressing things I wanted and expected to pay from this and now I am disappointed. All my plans seem to miscarry and when I can not meet my engagements I am miserable. I have kept hopeful all winter thinking some of my efforts would result in success, but they all seem to fail. No one wants my pictures and I am fast drifting again into despondency and see ahead of me a long summer of anxiety and worry. As a family we do not seem to have the ability to make the moderate amount of money we need to live in our quiet way and yet we are industrious and careful. Calvert is in the same condition and as we grow old find ourselves helpless and superfluous. I called on Mrs. Frank Weeks and then went to the Club a little while but came to my room lonely, unhappy and disheartened.