Wednesday, Nov 18, 1885 Calvert and I walked down to Ortgies gallery and took a hasty look at Richard Butlers pictures which are to be sold on Friday evening. Giffords "San Giorgio" was there and several smaller pictures by him among them the small study for his "Baltimore 1861" and the Sunday of the 7th Regiment in camp at Arlington heights. There were two of mine, a winter skating scene and a winter Ruin with moonrise. Then we called at Wilmurts to see if my picture from the Milwaukee exhibition had been sent to the fall Academy exhibition which I found had been. I came to my room and wrote a note to Richards giving him the title and price. Then I went to work on a little late autumn from one of my studies this fall at Shokan and persisted all day with I dont know what success. I am unhappy and miserable as we all are brooding over the lack of money and the uncertain future. It seems to be we all are getting less and less able to struggle in the [trials?] of life. The evenings here in town are dull and I hardly know what to do with myself as I do not feel like seeing any one and fear I am losing all the friends I ever had. In these times of depression I think so sadly of my dear Gertrude and so long for her loving companionship that I can hardly support the loneliness of my situation. Yesterday in cleaning up I came across a number of pamphlets and musical programmes and journals she had saved which were of no use now and which I was obliged to get rid of, but I hesitated a long time before I sent them away, it was like tearing out my very heart strings. It seemed like indifference to her to put aside the least thing she had ever regarded.