The Jervis McEntee Diaries - October 3, 1885

Diary Entry:

Saturday, Oct 3, 1885 It rained a little in the night and looked rainy this morning. During the forenoon we had a hard shower but it cleared off warm and bright by noon. Calvert and I talked of our worries and tried to find some solution of the difficult problem. He went down to the Terry house and I read in Romola in which I am interested. Although I read it, I think while I was in Florence[,] it is new to me. I had forgotten it. Towards evening I drove down to the Baldwin with Marys two boxes of jellies etc. and gave them in charge of Delaverque[?] who said he would see that they were safely forwarded. Girards wife rode down with me and I left her there. I find on looking over my diary of a year ago I was troubled something as I now am. Little interest in my profession and a fear that I would not regain it, but after all I did a great deal of work and painted an unusual number of pictures. If I could be measurably relieved from money worries I am confident I could do more and better work for these anxieties dull ones sensitiveness to impressions and take away the peace and serenity of mind essential to an artists success. In all these troubles come up the memories of dear Gertrude, a withering sense of the loss of her sympathetic companionship and a saddened feeling that most of my companionships outside our family are gone. Activity and absorption in work is the only panacea, and unfortunately I am not able to work now, hardly to interest myself in anything save plans for the near future, how to live and how to meet my obligations. My finger is nearly well, plainly the result of Saras treatment. I received a letter this evening from Rossiter Johnson asking me to contribute an article on Wm. Page for Appletons Annual Encyclopedia. I shall refer him to Perry.

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