Monday, Jan 26, 1885 It was colder this morning. I came away in the 8'oclock train. Sade drove me up to the station. Poor Sade. I wish I could be with her for we both need each others companionship now. Miller Dewitt sat in the seat with me. He has grave doubts about an Overruling Providence or rather that it cares for us as individuals. I told him we were the subjects of Law and we suffered for our ignorance or defiance of them. That I fully believed in immortality but that no one could prove it and that it was best not to torture ones self with doubts but to do our duty and trust in the Wisdom which displayed itself to us every moment of our lives. I always come back here with a dreadful feeling of depression. The only evidence of any one having been here was a gas bill. My money is nearly gone and I am at my wits end to know what to do. I have been at work on my Winter twilight in the mountains. I made some observations of the snow effects at twilight in the Highlands Saturday when I went home and I think I have improved the picture. I feel quite cheerful at home thinking of my plans for the summer but a wave of sadness and discouragement sweeps over me here in this remorseless city when I reflect how utterly helpless I am and how my good name is in peril for the lack of a little money.