Friday, Jan 16, 1885 Still raining and dismal. A letter from Sara enclosing one from Tula in which they take sides with their father and assume that they cannot visit us if he does not. I hardly know how to act in this most foolish complication. Worked deliberately on my pictures trying to refine and improve them. Calvert came in and looked at them and thought I had improved them. Eastman sent for me to come up to dinner at 7 which I did. Walked over and told Mary. The rain poured and the wind blew. Eastman was at the station to meet Miss Breckley but she did not come. They seem very flourishing and I am sorry to own that even with them, kind and friendly as they are I feel unhappy contrasting always my troubles and lack of money with the ability Eastman has to make so much money. That is one of the chief misfortunes of a lack of money. It makes one shy and cowardly. I feel now like keeping only with my own people and avoiding every one else, which is all wrong. I dont suppose even Eastman who knows me so well has the least conception of what straits I am often in.