Monday, Mar 19, 1883 My mother suffers pain in her back and left arm. She seems very weak and I am alarmed to think she is failing. A feeling of sadness has complete possession of me which I try to conceal from her for I think she is worried about our affairs and suspects we are anxious although I try not to let her know any thing of our anxieties. I came down by the evening train hoping there would be some word for me from Springfield but Gill does not deign to reply to my letter. All these things make me feel how little my pictures are cared for. I am troubled more than I can express and look forward to the summer with alarm.