Friday, Mar 17, 1882 Each succeeding day is an experience of anxiety and despondency. The future is full of terrors and trials and I feel my energy and enthusiasm in my painting gradually wearing out by reason of the lack of interest in what I do. Still I ought to face these things with more courage since I have met them so many times before. Painted on my large picture and got interested in certain changes I made. Bowyer came in and I paid him some more of his capital. In the evening Lucy and I went to see Patience at the Standard Theatre. Afterwards went to the club and Thompson and I talked of our troubles. It seems to me every one grows unhappy as they grow older.