Monday, Oct 11, 1880 Received a letter from Butler about my picture from the R. A. which I answered. Made a sketch of the bright red trees beyond the garden, and the distance in the pearly morning light, but did not get much. I dont think it is possible for me to do these things from nature but they are a help to me. Afterwards I took a walk back of O'Reillys and around by the Common. It was as warm as midsummer. This afternoon I tried to paint on my water color but it is a failure. Received a long earnest letter from Weir and one from Janette. It seems as if it would never rain again. The days are golden and cloudless but I long for clouds and rain. I live in an atmosphere of depression which I do not seem able to rise above. Gifford used to say he suffered in this way but that he used his reason and waited patiently to have it pass off. I try hard to do so but cannot do it. Today I picked a tiny rose over at my house in the little flower bed I planted this spring but which on account of the dry weather has been a failure. I thought of dear Gertrude as I picked it and her fondness for these [?] of the garden and I took it as tenderly as I imagined she would but its petals fell as I plucked it and only a part of them remained.