The Jervis McEntee Diaries - December 14, 1879

Diary Entry:

A most dismal rain all day. Have felt very unhappy all day. Came over to my studio and wrote a short note to Aldrich and one to Mrs. Nicholas Elmendorf. I have had dear Gertrude in my thoughts constantly and I have shed many bitter tears in the agony of my longing for her. I read over some of her letters of twenty years ago. The events seemed of yesterday. She was in N.Y. trying as a candidate for a place in the choir of Mr. Longfellows church, which she received, and I was out at Simpsons. How hard it was for us to be separated then for a little while and yet I live to bear this infinitely wider separation. How I bear it God alone knows. Sometimes it seems to me I cannot bear it and yesterday was one of those sad hopeless days that so often come to me now, when nothing on the Earth satisfies me and I think only of my darling who loved me so tenderly and who was all the world to me. I went back home to dinner. Miss Odell was there [?] and I felt more cheerful. Mary and I went to the Academy of Music to hear Rossinis Mass by her Majestys Opera Co. We enjoyed it but Cary and Campanini, both advertised, were not there. We heard Lablache and Valina and [?] and Roucio (I think) but the day has been a very sad one to me and I cant help thinking my sorrow impairs my ability to work hard as I try to get away from it by all sorts of entertainments.

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