Have painted all day on Gertrudes portrait but do not succeed at all. It is bad. I thought yesterday I was going to make a good head of it. I am full of warring thoughts and melancholy. Tonight have been reading Gertrudes letters, and so have been under the wings of her never failing love--but Oh! the awakening. Sometimes I wish I could go to her and thus end all. Edith Cook came to see me today. She looks very old and has grown grey.